Guide to What is a Covert Narcissist? Signs, Causes & Traits of a Covert Narcissist. How to Deal with a Covert Narcissist?

Understanding a Covert Narcissist

A covert narcissist hides their grandiose sense of self-importance and manipulative tendencies. They have specific traits that set them apart, such as craving admiration while feeling insecure. They say and do strange things that often confuse those around them. Understanding them involves unraveling their complex behaviors and dynamics.

A covert narcissist is often challenging to identify because they hide their true intentions and manipulate those around them. However, understanding the signs, causes, and traits of covert narcissism can help in recognizing and dealing with this personality disorder. Keep reading to learn what is a covert narcissist and how to respond to them.

If someone you know exhibits these behaviors, find helpful professionals at the We Level Up Treatment Centers who can help you set boundaries in your relationship with them. Remember, their behavior is not a reflection of you, and it’s essential to prioritize your well-being. So keep an eye out for the signs, and don’t be afraid to speak up if you suspect someone may be a covert narcissist.

What is a Covert Narcissist?

Covert narcissism, also known as vulnerable or closet narcissism, is a type of personality disorder characterized by an individual’s excessive need for admiration and attention, lack of empathy, and sense of grandiosity. Unlike overt narcissists who display their narcissistic traits openly, covert narcissists can be challenging to identify because they often present themselves as humble, shy, or even selfless.

Top 6 Covert Narcissist Traits

1. Hidden Sense of Grandiosity: possess an inflated sense of self-importance and uniqueness despite appearing modest or self-effacing on the surface.
2. Constant Need for Validation: They rely heavily on others to validate their self-worth, seeking constant reassurance, admiration, and praise, though they may not overtly demand it.
3. Lack of Empathy: They struggle to genuinely empathize with others, often viewing them as tools for their gratification or obstacles to their self-validation.
4. Subtle Manipulation Tactics: They excel at manipulating others through subtle tactics, such as guilt trips, gaslighting, and emotional control, all while maintaining a facade of innocence.
5. Fragile Self-Esteem: Beneath their composed exterior, they possess fragile self-esteem and are easily wounded by criticism or perceived slights.
6. Playing the Victim: They frequently adopt a victim mentality, skillfully manipulating situations to portray themselves as the ones who have been wronged, deflecting blame, and avoiding accountability.

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Covert Narcissist Test

If you suspect that someone in your life may be a covert narcissist, there are certain behaviors and traits that you can look out for. One way to assess whether someone may have covert narcissistic tendencies is by taking a narcissist test. These tests are designed to evaluate a person’s level of narcissism and can help identify hidden behaviors and patterns.

Educate yourself and others about this disorder to promote healthier relationships and better understand those around you. Knowledge is power, and by learning more about covert narcissism, we can work towards creating a more empathetic and compassionate society. So let’s continue the conversation and spread awareness about this often misunderstood personality disorder.

Covert Narcissist Signs

Some common signs of covert narcissism include:

• A constant need for validation and attention: Covert narcissists have an insatiable need for admiration and attention from others. They may fish for compliments or seek situations that make them the center of attention.

They may also use emotional manipulation to get attention and validation from others.

• Lack of empathy: Covert narcissists have a limited capacity for empathy and struggle to understand and respond to the emotions of others. They may appear cold, detached, or indifferent when someone shares their feelings.
• Sense of superiority: Like overt narcissists, covert narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe they are better than others. However, they may hide this belief and be humble or self-deprecating.
• Fragile self-esteem: Despite their grandiosity, covert narcissists have fragile self-esteem and can be easily wounded by criticism or perceived rejection. They may also struggle with feelings of inadequacy or insecurity.

The top 10 signs of a covert narcissist include:

1. Excessive Sensitivity: Susceptible to criticism or perceived slights, reacting defensively or with passive-aggressive behaviors.
2. Lack of Empathy: They may struggle to genuinely empathize with others, often prioritizing their needs and desires over those of others.
3. Grandiose Fantasies: They may harbor grandiose fantasies or a sense of entitlement, believing they are unique or deserve special treatment.
4. Fragile Self-Esteem: Despite their outward modesty, they often have fragile self-esteem and require constant validation and admiration from others.
5. Victimization: They frequently portray themselves as victims, deflecting responsibility for their actions and using guilt or pity to manipulate others.
6. Subtle Manipulation: They employ subtle manipulation tactics, such as guilt-tripping, passive-aggressive behavior, or using silence to control and influence others.
7. Lack of Boundaries: They may disregard personal boundaries, invading others’ personal space or emotional boundaries to fulfill their needs.
8. Envy and Jealousy: They may harbor intense envy or jealousy towards others, particularly when they perceive others as more successful or admired.
9. Attention-Seeking Behaviors: While appearing introverted, they actively seek attention and validation, often through subtle means such as fishing for compliments or playing the victim.
10. Shifting Self-Image: They may have a fluctuating sense of self, adapting their behavior and personality to suit different situations or individuals, making it difficult to pinpoint their true identity.

Discover the Triggers for Covert Narcissists

Uncover the hidden motivations behind covert narcissistic behavior. Find out what triggers their elusive tendencies, including:

· Being ignored
· Feeling disrespected
· Threats to their ego
· Feelings of shame
· Being around high-status individuals
· Insecurities about attractiveness or education
· Comparisons with others
· Not receiving desired attention
· Jealousy
· The need for control

Distinction Between Overt vs. Covert Narcissists

When it comes to narcissists, their true colors can either be blindingly obvious or deceptively concealed. Overt narcissists are the showy, attention-seeking type who demand constant praise and exhibit an arrogant and insensitive demeanor. On the other hand, covert narcissists may fly under the radar due to their introverted tendencies, but make no mistake – their thirst for importance and grandeur is just as intense.

Renowned researcher Craig Malkin, PhD, challenges the perception that covert narcissists are somehow less significant than their extroverted counterparts. In truth, both overt and covert narcissists possess the same traits and navigate the world with a sense of self-importance and a yearning for success.

But do covert narcissists understand the impact of their behavior? While they may have some awareness that their actions hurt others, their lack of self-awareness and insight often prevents them from recognizing the harm they cause. As long as their behavior yields the desired results, covert narcissists perceive no fault in their actions, believing they deserve the attention and accolades they seek.

Whether extroverted or introverted, both overt and covert narcissists must meet the same clinical criteria for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder. Both struggle with regulating their self-esteem.

Identifying a covert narcissist can be a challenge, particularly in the early stages of a relationship. Many individuals have fallen victim to the manipulative tactics of a covert narcissist, only realizing the emotional pain they have endured when it is too late.

In essence, it is safe to say that spotting an extroverted narcissist is far easier than detecting their introverted counterparts. In relationships, covert narcissists inflict pain by creating a sense of imbalance and a lack of reciprocation.

Things Covert Narcissists Say

They are skilled at using words to manipulate and control others while maintaining a facade of humility or innocence. Here are some examples of things they may say:

1. Playing the victim: They often portray themselves as the ones who have been wronged or misunderstood. They may say things like, “Nobody appreciates me,” or “I always end up being taken advantage of.”
2. Backhanded compliments: They may give compliments that seem positive on the surface but contain subtle criticism or undermine the other person’s self-esteem. For example, saying, “You’re pretty smart for someone who didn’t go to college.”
3. Gaslighting: They manipulate reality and make others question their sanity or perceptions. They may say things like, “You’re overreacting,” or “I never said that. You must be imagining things.”
4. Passive-aggressive remarks: They may use sarcasm, veiled insults, or disguised hostility to express dissatisfaction or indirectly criticize others. For instance, saying, “Oh, it must be nice to have all the free time in the world,” when someone is taking a break.
5. False modesty: They may downplay their accomplishments or talents to elicit praise and validation. For example, saying, “I’m not that great at it, but I guess I managed to pull it off,” expecting others to reassure them of their exceptional abilities.
6. Manipulative flattery: They may use excessive flattery to gain favor or control over others. They might shower someone with compliments, constantly praising their appearance, skills, or achievements to gain their trust and admiration.

Top 10 Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do

They engage in various behaviors that seem strange or unusual to others. Here are some examples of weird things that covert narcissists may do:

1. Silent Treatment: Covert narcissists may employ silent treatment as a manipulative tactic, refusing to communicate or engage with others as a control or punishment.
2. Pity Parties: They may frequently play the victim and indulge in self-pity, seeking attention and sympathy from others by exaggerating their struggles or portraying themselves as perpetually downtrodden.
3. Smear Campaigns: Covert narcissists may engage in covert efforts to tarnish the reputation of others, spreading false rumors or engaging in character assassination behind the scenes to bolster their image and diminish others.
4. Subtle Sabotage: They may engage in covert sabotage or manipulation to undermine the success or happiness of those around them while maintaining plausible deniability or innocence.
5. Hoarding Attention: Covert narcissists may become jealous or resentful when others receive attention or praise and may go to great lengths to divert the focus back onto themselves, even if it means exaggerating their achievements or experiences.
6. Emotional Vampirism: They may drain the emotional energy of those around them by constantly seeking support and validation, requiring excessive reassurance, and taking advantage of others’ empathy and compassion.
7. Image Crafting: Covert narcissists may meticulously curate their online presence or social image, presenting an idealized version of themselves that differs significantly from their true personality or behavior.
8. Self-Deprecation: Covert narcissists may engage in excessive self-deprecation to fish for compliments or reassurance from others, disguising their underlying need for validation.
9. False Humility: They may feign modesty and downplay their achievements or talents, seeking praise and admiration from others while maintaining an air of false humility.
10. Triangulation: Covert narcissists may intentionally create conflicts or foster rivalries between people in their social circles, using manipulation and secrecy to control and manipulate the dynamics of relationships.

Uncovering the Actions of Covert Narcissists in Relationships

Discover what covert narcissists do in relationships with partners, parents, siblings, and other family members. Brace yourself for:

• A lack of empathy toward others’ thoughts, feelings, and needs.
• Manipulative guilt trips and shame to maintain control.
• Expectations of constant care and problem-solving from others.
• Sneaky gaslighting tactics disguised as concerned criticism.
• Exploiting vulnerabilities of those around them.
• Dismissing or denying the emotions and experiences of others.
• Passive-aggressive responses that leave you perplexed.

How to Deal with a Covert Narcissist?

Are you currently dealing with a covert narcissist in your life? Whether it’s a family member, co-worker, or significant other, it can be challenging to navigate this toxic relationship. But fear not. There are steps you can take to protect yourself and maintain your sanity.

Don’t Take It Personally

Dealing with a narcissist, whether covert or overt, can be deeply personal. Their manipulative behavior, lack of regard, and patterns of deception can feel like a direct attack on your self-worth. But here’s the truth: it’s not about you. A narcissist acts this way because of their deep-rooted issues, not because of anything you’ve done. Don’t let their toxic behavior affect your self-esteem.

Set Firm Boundaries

Narcissists thrive on crossing boundaries. They lack empathy and exploit others to serve their own needs. That’s why setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissist. It won’t be easy, but it’s essential. Take the time to identify your values and establish boundaries that align with them. By doing this, you let the narcissist know their tactics won’t work on you anymore.

Advocate for Yourself

In the face of a covert narcissist, it’s easy to lose your voice. Their manipulative behavior can make you doubt yourself and your worth. But reclaiming your power is vital. Take a moment to reconnect with who you are, your values, and your goals. Strengthen your relationship with yourself so that you feel confident speaking up when faced with a narcissist. Let them see that their tactics won’t work on someone who knows their game.

Create Healthy Distance

Being in a relationship with a covert narcissist can be draining. But creating distance is crucial for your emotional well-being. This may not always be easy, especially if it’s a close family member or a co-worker. However, there are steps you can take, such as limiting personal interactions or requesting a change in your office setup. Remember, creating distance isn’t about hurting the other person but about protecting yourself and giving yourself space to heal.

When to Seek Help

If the covert narcissist in your life is causing distress and affecting your well-being, it may be time to seek professional help. Encourage them to talk to a healthcare provider who can recommend treatments and coping strategies. Consider reaching out to organizations like Narcissist Abuse Support for additional resources and support.

Recognize the Signs and Protect Yourself

Covert narcissism may be less evident than overt narcissism, but it can be just as damaging. Take the necessary steps to protect yourself and your emotional well-being. Don’t let their behavior define your self-worth. Seek professional support and guidance to help you navigate this challenging relationship and develop coping skills that will empower you.

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Covert Narcissist Statistics

By examining these statistics, we can better understand the scope and implications of this intriguing and often misunderstood phenomenon.

Covert narcissists often fly under the radar due to their more subtle behaviors and the ability to blend in with society. However, here are a few general insights and statistics related to narcissism that may also apply to covert narcissism:

1. Prevalence: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) affects approximately 1% of the general population, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). It is unclear what percentage of individuals with NPD exhibit covert narcissistic traits specifically.
2. Gender Distribution: Research suggests that narcissism, including covert narcissism, is slightly more prevalent among men than women. However, it is essential to note that narcissism can be found in individuals of any gender.
3. Comorbidity: Covert narcissism may often coexist with other mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, or borderline personality disorder.
4. Relationship Patterns: Covert narcissists may frequently engage in toxic relationship dynamics, including emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse. Victims of covert narcissistic abuse may struggle with their mental health and well-being.

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